Whether we like it or not, men and women are different to an extent. We are physiologically formed differently, thus psychologically we slightly differ as well. With that in mind, we will look into one of the differences right now when it comes to communication.
I don’t know if you’ve read the book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” by John Gray, but the following is discussed right at the beginning of the book. Gray explains how men have a tendency to keep quiet if they are going through some problems and to only reveal them if they really need help. They don’t generally complain as much as women if they complain at all. And finally when they do discuss an issue, they expect to get a quick solution from the person they are telling it to.
Whereas women will complain or talk about their troubles and stresses on a daily basis (generally speaking) simply for the sake of sharing their experiences with their partner or friends; they get closer as they do so. Women love sharing their thoughts and feelings and express a lot more than men do — this is all generalized of course. For women, complaining is a method of connecting and bonding.
When a woman is complaining she is looking for empathy and compassion, not for a solution. When a man complains however, he really does so with the intention of pointing out an issue that needs to be solved.
But knowing these facts is not enough.. Men still have the habit of keeping lots of problems inside and of being very reserved. Maybe they get this from cultural norms about how men should be in a society relative to women or maybe this is how they’re genetically wired. But regardless of why or how they have this tendency, being too reserved can actually deteriorate one’s health and cause lots of problems in a relationship.
Men, and some women who have the same issue, need to understand that one of the main pillars of a relationship is communication. Without communicating to one another about what is bothering you or about anything in the world you risk jeopardizing your relationship.
If you have a problem at work, tell your partner about it, even if they have no way of solving it. You shouldn’t just talk about your problems if they need to be solved. You should talk to your partner about your problems simply to keep her or him in the loop of what you’re going through and of how you’re feeling. You should make it a habit of simply updating your partner after work about the activities or experiences you’ve been through that day or at any time your partner was not with you, simply to connect better and to be more in touch.
A lot of times you’ll find one partner in a relationship doing all the talking while the other is overly reserved, and this is what you need to try to avoid. If you are the talkative one, then ask your partner questions about their day or about the same things you tend to express about. Ask them what they think about what you’re saying and tell them give you feedback.
But the real change should be from the silent partner and not the talkative one. The quiet ones need to learn to express more and talk more. The one that’s doing all the talking is putting lots of effort already in talking! So if you are the quiet one, you really need to start talking. Start by setting a time every day to sit down and just talk about whatever your highlights of the day were, or about any issues you’ve encountered, or interesting people you’ve met. A good time would be a short while after work everyday, or at dinnertime would be ideal.
Put the effort in, talk more about and reflect on your feelings, experiences, and daily activities, and the result will surely be rewarding. You and your partner will bond more. You will feel closer and more understood. The love between you two will strengthen.
When you start expressing more, you won’t feel as though your partner’s talking too much or complaining too much. You’ll feel that you are getting an equal share in discussion and this will in turn improve the quality of your communication and overall relationship.
So Talk More! But don’t stop listening either ;p!