Know Your Partner

What if the source of your relationship problems was not knowing your partner enough..

When in a relationship, in order to have a balanced one, you need to know your partner well; especially long-term relationships, specifically newly weds, recently married couple, or couples planning to marry soon.

I read an article I liked about 55 things you should know about your significant other, check it out, you might be surprised.

When you are in a serious relationship or married to someone, you know that you will soon be living or are already living with that person. And living with somebody is not easy if you cannot deal with each other properly. You need to know how to deal with each other’s differences and become more compatible than you already might be. Living with someone is sharing a private space, which can lead to detrimental problems if there isn’t a common understanding of how things should run between the two.

How would you deal with a person if you don’t know them very well. You need to know who they are, and this goes beyond just knowing their likes and dislikes.

You need to know their history, their hot buttons, their soft spots, and their backgrounds — which tell a lot about them.

Their History

Some people cringe at the thought of knowing their partner’s history telling their own, but it’s actually essential to having a happy and balanced life with your partner. A person’s history is a part of their life, and a part of what made them who they are today. Knowing your partner’s history and sharing your own with them creates a closer bond between you two and strengthens your marriage.

History is history, nobody should blame or hate on their partner for anything they’ve done in the past, however knowing it is important. If you’re planning on spending your life with someone, get to know everything about them, which includes their history. And tell them yours as well, that way, if either of you is bothered by something regarding your history, you have the choice from the beginning, and you have a full picture of your partner’s timeline. Ask to see pictures, yearbooks, etc., really get to know the person growing up; you are planning on spending the rest of your life with this person.

Their Background

Some people spend years with someone without knowing the person’s background. It is also important that you know the true background of the person and even meet family members just to be sure the person isn’t lying to you about who they generally are. There was a couple once who spent 13 years together, had a child, and when the child turned 7, they got a divorce. The couple had conflicting ideas about how to raise the child and that is what led them to divorce each other. After the separation, the woman decides to search about the man’s background.

He had said that he was orphaned as a child and had no immediate family. It turned out that the his parents were alive, he wasn’t from the country he said he was from, his mom wasn’t who he said she was, and even his name did not exist in records. He was a conman, and had created a non-existent identity, with which he fooled his wife for 13 years.

This story is a bit extreme, but it’s real. If someone says they don’t have any immediate family, or don’t show you any childhood pictures, and refuse to talk about their past, that obviously brings up a question mark.

I’m just saying be curious about your partner, after all, why would you be with someone you aren’t curious about..?

Getting to Know Them

Some people might be very quiet and reserved, so if you don’t ask them questions, they won’t offer information. But don
’t over do it, you also aren’t trying to pull off an interrogation there. Not everything can be answered through questions. Go out together and do various activities. Understand your partner’s worries. Get to know their desires and dreams. Know what kinds of movies they like to watch, what jokes they laugh at, what foods they crave, the types of music he or she likes, and the noises give them goose bumps. These are basic things you should generally know about your partner within the first few months of knowing them.

All of these things tell you about the personality of the person you are with. Thus helping you deal better with them when problems arise. Or even just generally helping you deal with day-to-day life together.As you go out and do different activities with your partner you can learn so much about each other. And if the relationship is turning serious within the first year, then you should also start to know things like what your partner expects of you as a spouse and vice versa. You need to know what you are going into, and decide whether or not you choose to continue. Small things, like what your partner thinks of children, can be determined by their reaction to them in public or during activities; for example, their reaction to seeing a baby at the mall or in a coffee shop.

You don’t have to actually discuss the details of raising children, maybe your partner hasn’t thought of that yet. But if you see a child running around in a restaurant for example, ask if he or she agrees with that behavior or not. Small things like these tell you whether or not you two are in tune or on the same page.

Play some games on date night that can help you get to know each other a little better. Above there is a photo of questions you can ask on Date Night and here is a link to another set of questions which would also be interesting to know about your significant other.

This is another good link to follow and get to know each other better.

Know Yourself Better Too

A very important step in knowing your partner is knowing yourself a little better first. Take personality tests, and have your partner take one too. The best or most accurate test online is the MBTI test. then take these differences or these facts about your partner in consideration when dealing with them.

There is a book called Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and I highly recommend it to literally everyone in a relationship or getting into a relationship. The book written by two psychologists who, after extensive research, have found that everybody fits into 3 categories when it comes to relationships. These categories are called attachment styles.

There are 3 basic attachment styles that may overlap, and they determine how a person acts or treats their partner in a relationship. I will write a full article about the different attachment styles because it’s a whole subject in itself . Knowing you and your partner’s attachment styles gives you a better idea and insight as to why both of you act the way you do.

You should know all this information about your partner within at most the first year of being with them, because until then, you are considered to still be getting to know each other even up until the second year.

One really important thing is to be very aware of the fact that you are still getting to know each other and not to take what you already know about your partner for granted. Already seek to learn more about each other.

Take Action

Learn about both of your personality types and attachment styles. Most importantly though, after all of the observation, questioning, and personality quizzes, when you find out what you need to know about your partner, take the necessary action to improve your relationship and deal better with one another; and deal better with conflict and disagreements.