Men Should Speak More

Whether we like it or not, men and women are different to an extent. We are physiologically formed differently, thus psychologically we slightly differ as well. With that in mind, we will look into one of the differences right now when it comes to communication.

I don’t know if you’ve read the book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” by John Gray, but the following is discussed right at the beginning of the book. Gray explains how men have a tendency to keep quiet if they are going through some problems and to only reveal them if they really need help. They don’t generally complain as much as women if they complain at all. And finally when they do discuss an issue, they expect to get a quick solution from the person they are telling it to.

Whereas women will complain or talk about their troubles and stresses on a daily basis (generally speaking) simply for the sake of sharing their experiences with their partner or friends; they get closer as they do so. Women love sharing their thoughts and feelings and express a lot more than men do — this is all generalized of course. For women, complaining is a method of connecting and bonding.

When a woman is complaining she is looking for empathy and compassion, not for a solution. When a man complains however, he really does so with the intention of pointing out an issue that needs to be solved.

But knowing these facts is not enough.. Men still have the habit of keeping lots of problems inside and of being very reserved. Maybe they get this from cultural norms about how men should be in a society relative to women or maybe this is how they’re genetically wired. But regardless of why or how they have this tendency, being too reserved can actually deteriorate one’s health and cause lots of problems in a relationship.

Men, and some women who have the same issue, need to understand that one of the main pillars of a relationship is communication. Without communicating to one another about what is bothering you or about anything in the world you risk jeopardizing your relationship.

If you have a problem at work, tell your partner about it, even if they have no way of solving it. You shouldn’t just talk about your problems if they need to be solved. You should talk to your partner about your problems simply to keep her or him in the loop of what you’re going through and of how you’re feeling. You should make it a habit of simply updating your partner after work about the activities or experiences you’ve been through that day or at any time your partner was not with you, simply to connect better and to be more in touch.

A lot of times you’ll find one partner in a relationship doing all the talking while the other is overly reserved, and this is what you need to try to avoid. If you are the talkative one, then ask your partner questions about their day or about the same things you tend to express about. Ask them what they think about what you’re saying and tell them give you feedback.

But the real change should be from the silent partner and not the talkative one. The quiet ones need to learn to express more and talk more. The one that’s doing all the talking is putting lots of effort already in talking! So if you are the quiet one, you really need to start talking. Start by setting a time every day to sit down and just talk about whatever your highlights of the day were, or about any issues you’ve encountered, or interesting people you’ve met. A good time would be a short while after work everyday, or at dinnertime would be ideal.

Put the effort in, talk more about and reflect on your feelings, experiences, and daily activities, and the result will surely be rewarding. You and your partner will bond more. You will feel closer and more understood. The love between you two will strengthen.

When you start expressing more, you won’t feel as though your partner’s talking too much or complaining too much. You’ll feel that you are getting an equal share in discussion and this will in turn improve the quality of your communication and overall relationship.

So Talk More! But don’t stop listening either ;p!

Know Your Partner

What if the source of your relationship problems was not knowing your partner enough..

When in a relationship, in order to have a balanced one, you need to know your partner well; especially long-term relationships, specifically newly weds, recently married couple, or couples planning to marry soon.

I read an article I liked about 55 things you should know about your significant other, check it out, you might be surprised.

When you are in a serious relationship or married to someone, you know that you will soon be living or are already living with that person. And living with somebody is not easy if you cannot deal with each other properly. You need to know how to deal with each other’s differences and become more compatible than you already might be. Living with someone is sharing a private space, which can lead to detrimental problems if there isn’t a common understanding of how things should run between the two.

How would you deal with a person if you don’t know them very well. You need to know who they are, and this goes beyond just knowing their likes and dislikes.

You need to know their history, their hot buttons, their soft spots, and their backgrounds — which tell a lot about them.

Their History

Some people cringe at the thought of knowing their partner’s history telling their own, but it’s actually essential to having a happy and balanced life with your partner. A person’s history is a part of their life, and a part of what made them who they are today. Knowing your partner’s history and sharing your own with them creates a closer bond between you two and strengthens your marriage.

History is history, nobody should blame or hate on their partner for anything they’ve done in the past, however knowing it is important. If you’re planning on spending your life with someone, get to know everything about them, which includes their history. And tell them yours as well, that way, if either of you is bothered by something regarding your history, you have the choice from the beginning, and you have a full picture of your partner’s timeline. Ask to see pictures, yearbooks, etc., really get to know the person growing up; you are planning on spending the rest of your life with this person.

Their Background

Some people spend years with someone without knowing the person’s background. It is also important that you know the true background of the person and even meet family members just to be sure the person isn’t lying to you about who they generally are. There was a couple once who spent 13 years together, had a child, and when the child turned 7, they got a divorce. The couple had conflicting ideas about how to raise the child and that is what led them to divorce each other. After the separation, the woman decides to search about the man’s background.

He had said that he was orphaned as a child and had no immediate family. It turned out that the his parents were alive, he wasn’t from the country he said he was from, his mom wasn’t who he said she was, and even his name did not exist in records. He was a conman, and had created a non-existent identity, with which he fooled his wife for 13 years.

This story is a bit extreme, but it’s real. If someone says they don’t have any immediate family, or don’t show you any childhood pictures, and refuse to talk about their past, that obviously brings up a question mark.

I’m just saying be curious about your partner, after all, why would you be with someone you aren’t curious about..?

Getting to Know Them

Some people might be very quiet and reserved, so if you don’t ask them questions, they won’t offer information. But don
’t over do it, you also aren’t trying to pull off an interrogation there. Not everything can be answered through questions. Go out together and do various activities. Understand your partner’s worries. Get to know their desires and dreams. Know what kinds of movies they like to watch, what jokes they laugh at, what foods they crave, the types of music he or she likes, and the noises give them goose bumps. These are basic things you should generally know about your partner within the first few months of knowing them.

All of these things tell you about the personality of the person you are with. Thus helping you deal better with them when problems arise. Or even just generally helping you deal with day-to-day life together.As you go out and do different activities with your partner you can learn so much about each other. And if the relationship is turning serious within the first year, then you should also start to know things like what your partner expects of you as a spouse and vice versa. You need to know what you are going into, and decide whether or not you choose to continue. Small things, like what your partner thinks of children, can be determined by their reaction to them in public or during activities; for example, their reaction to seeing a baby at the mall or in a coffee shop.

You don’t have to actually discuss the details of raising children, maybe your partner hasn’t thought of that yet. But if you see a child running around in a restaurant for example, ask if he or she agrees with that behavior or not. Small things like these tell you whether or not you two are in tune or on the same page.

Play some games on date night that can help you get to know each other a little better. Above there is a photo of questions you can ask on Date Night and here is a link to another set of questions which would also be interesting to know about your significant other.

This is another good link to follow and get to know each other better.

Know Yourself Better Too

A very important step in knowing your partner is knowing yourself a little better first. Take personality tests, and have your partner take one too. The best or most accurate test online is the MBTI test. then take these differences or these facts about your partner in consideration when dealing with them.

There is a book called Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and I highly recommend it to literally everyone in a relationship or getting into a relationship. The book written by two psychologists who, after extensive research, have found that everybody fits into 3 categories when it comes to relationships. These categories are called attachment styles.

There are 3 basic attachment styles that may overlap, and they determine how a person acts or treats their partner in a relationship. I will write a full article about the different attachment styles because it’s a whole subject in itself . Knowing you and your partner’s attachment styles gives you a better idea and insight as to why both of you act the way you do.

You should know all this information about your partner within at most the first year of being with them, because until then, you are considered to still be getting to know each other even up until the second year.

One really important thing is to be very aware of the fact that you are still getting to know each other and not to take what you already know about your partner for granted. Already seek to learn more about each other.

Take Action

Learn about both of your personality types and attachment styles. Most importantly though, after all of the observation, questioning, and personality quizzes, when you find out what you need to know about your partner, take the necessary action to improve your relationship and deal better with one another; and deal better with conflict and disagreements.

The 4 Approaches to Management

There are four basic approaches to management ( Management Approaches ), one splits into two, so technically there are five different approaches to management. When we say “approach” we literally mean the way we approach management and managerial activities at work. So it is the active way or method of seeing and dealing with managing at the workplace.

The main four approaches are:

  1. Classical Approach
  2. Quantitative Approach
  3. Behavioral Approach
  4. Contemporary Approaches:
  5. A) Systems Approach
  6. B) Contingency Approach
  7. The Classical Approach

This approach is all about managing in classical methods. It is about applying the original studies and researches done on management when it first became an official field of study during times of war, developed in order to improve productivity, efficiency, and output. These are the 3 focuses of this approach. The approach also includes several theories, among which are the bureaucratic, administrative, and scientific theories of management .

Moreover, the goal of Classical Management is cutting costs and achieving results in more efficient ways. As effective theoretically as it may be, and although it has worked in the past, the reason different approaches were created is because people changed. The classical approach does not concern employee satisfaction or anything from the perspective of employees. It is too mechanistic. Employees look for more in a job now. They expect to enjoy their job and to have a reason to do what they do. The classical approach, though is the base of all management, it does not address those needs and is all about achieving the organization’s goals.

Several approaches can be integrated in management, and this is the case with the classical approach. It is still in use in almost every company, firm, and organization but in a more complex way as some of the other approaches are integrated with it.

  • The Quantitative Approach

This approach is about using math and statistics and other quantitative methods to make better managerial decisions. In other words management can be dealt with in a quantitative manner to get more quality results; using numbers and statistics.

  • The Behavioral Approach 

The behavioral approach is about being concerned with the individual in an organization. This was developed when managers began to face issues in dealing with varying circumstances as they could not understand employee behavior. Classical theory “ignored employee motivation and behavior”(3). The behavioral approach viewed employees as humans with human needs and lead to better treatment and increased motivation. Various contributions were made to this approach over time, expanding the study to a field in itself. In fact, employee behavior in management became so important today that it is taught as an official Bachelor specialization in certain universities around the world, known as Organizational Behavior (OB).

  • Contemporary Approaches

 Systems Approach: 

When using the systems approach, you are looking at the organization as a whole system. You count your employees, clients, customers, partners, managers, and every stakeholder as a part of this system, and without any one part, the system would fail. If you fail to take care of one part, the system would collapse. So using this approach, you take actions and make decisions while taking the whole company and any possible effects that would happen to it into consideration. All the components that make up the organizational system are simplified into 4 parts as shown in the image below..

There are 2 main kinds of systems; an open system and a closed system.

Contingency Approach: 

This approach is based on the concept that there is ‘no one best way’ in management. For every situation there is a set of circumstances, which determine how a situation is to be dealt with. This approach is sometimes also called the ‘Situational Approach’. As given by the name, it is all about dealing with a situation by focus on it alone and not comparing with any other. It states that every situation is unique and not one situation is the same as another; and each situation should be dealt with differently. These days especially, this approach is probably the most commonly used due to the very dynamic environment we face in the business world. One day a firm could be a leader in its industry, the next, a certain technology comes out with disruptive innovation and the firm goes totally bankrupt. So managers need to be able to quickly shift and adjust their goals and have very flexible plans.

The best management practice comes from applying a bit of all the approaches, especially where needed. However, there has never been a time with a more dynamic business environment than today’s and where people cared so much for their quality of life and job satisfaction. Thus, although all the approaches are still very useful, the Contingency and Behavioral approach is probably the most prominent these days.


Sources:

– https://www.reference.com/business-finance/classical-management-approach-63ef738a11276004#

– https://www.cliffsnotes.com/study-guides/principles-of-management/the-evolution-of-management-thought/quantitative-school-of-management

– https://www.cliffsnotes.com/study-guides/principles-of-management/the-evolution-of-management-thought/behavioral-management-theory

– http://www.referenceforbusiness.com/management/Comp-De/Contingency-Approach-to-Management.html

What is Management

Management is a study, process, and/or science that was developed in order to efficiently and effectively achieve goals, reducing wasted actions and motions. It is mainly used in business and academics but it can be applied to pretty much everything. This article will be focused on Business management.

For over a century, management has been a great tool used by leaders to achieve success in business and leadership and to improve companies and industries, all through learning how to deal with people and how to get things done efficiently and effectively. Generally, the point of management is to keep everything under control. In order to do that, however, managers have to be ready to face challenges and obstacles and know how to deal with them. They have to be fully equipped with all the necessary skills and should constantly strive to improve themselves as managers. They should learn more about the study of management if they were not trained or have not learned about it academically prior to their managerial position. It is a manager’s responsibility to take the time to read about it, about the different roles, functions, and skills. A lot of managers are given the position of a manager when they are not really equipped with the right skills and knowledge about the job. Unfortunately, a lot of those managers end up really hurting or negatively affecting their employees, leading many employees to quit for reasons that could easily be avoided, just by the way the managers treat them.

Management is very important and it exists in every single organization. Management could even be used at home, as with the Gilbreth’s. Frank and Lillian Gilbreth were a couple that used scientific methods and research to apply managerial techniques to the raising of their twelve children and they contributed their findings to the study of Management. The Gilbreth’s were famous for many contributions to management but they were most known for the Motion Studies they developed. Their Motion Studies revolved around figuring out ways on how to eliminate wasted motions at work in order to be more productive with less time and less effort. They were the ones who came up with task-specialization, and they did so through their Motion Study.

The Gilbreth’s were the first to tie the link between worker satisfaction and productivity. We all know that when employees are happy they produce satisfying outcomes and vice versa, and when they are satisfied with their job they are naturally better at it. Another thing most people agree to is that managers highly affect a person’s perception of their job, just like a professor can affect a student’s impression on a class. A manager can make the atmosphere in a workplace either a pleasant or an unpleasant one. Therefore it is important to get feedback about oneself as a manager from your employees on a regular basis (depending on how dynamic the work place is) and make the necessary changes to improve.

Management is all about coordinating between humans and resources and about putting everything together in a system in order to reach outcomes efficiently and effectively. Efficiency (doing things right) is about using the resources available to you in the best possible way in order to cut costs and do more with less, and effectiveness (doing the right things) is about decision-making and choosing wisely to reach your goal faster and in a more productive way. They go hand in hand.

There are different levels of management, and managers should be aware of what level of management they are in: Top-level management, Middle management, or Lower-level management. Managers need to acknowledge what level they are in because based on their level of management they will need certain skills.

Each level needs unique skills, among those skills however, there is one major skill that is needed by all managers and that is Human Skills. All managers need human skills because management is all about dealing with people, having people deal with other people, and connecting people with resources, so again it’s all about connecting everything into a system. Thus, human skills are imperative to managers regardless of level. Furthermore, learning about the level of management a manager is in will enhance and enrich not only the manager’s job/work but also his or her subordinates’ too. Managers influence the overall culture in a company, which in turn affects employees and their work. Therefore all managers need to watch and be aware of how they are managing and always try to improve.

It is also a good idea for managers to learn about leadership. Leadership helps a lot in giving another perspective on management. Leadership differs from management in that not all leaders are managers and vice versa. A manager is not necessarily a leader. Conversely anyone with any position can be a leader. A leader is defined as a leader based on whether or not they inspire followers and whether they have certain characteristics that leaders tend to have in common. Many people think or claim that leadership is better than management and automatically label management as the negative one in comparison to ‘leadership’. However, I tend to think differently. I believe that leadership and management go hand and hand just as efficiency and effectiveness do. Some say that leadership comes from the heart while management comes from the head, so what is better than combining those two? A manager needs to know how to be an inspiring leader and a leader would definitely be a better leader if he or she knew how to manage. A manager needs to be as involved as possible in the work and should try to understand and learn the work of their subordinates. As a manager you should also get to know your employees on a one to one basis.


I hope this was helpful, I will be talking in detail about different topics in management in later articles, stay tuned, and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook  !


Sources:

Ask. Don’t Take!

When you want something from your child — I’m talking about physical objects — what do you do? Do you ask them nicely to give it to you? Or do you just take the short cut and snatch it from them?

When a child gives you something, it’s a choice they make. Whether you are telling them or asking them to give you something, or whether they are giving it to you randomly and voluntarily, it’s a choice. The fact that they are willingly handing something over to you, this is a choice. And this ‘choice’ they make gives them a sense of individuality and independence. These are very important for child to experience. These kinds of experiences build confidence in children and help them be their own person. Without such experiences, it’s hard for them to grow into balanced, mature individuals that are able to make their own decisions.

A child giving you an item rather than you taking it, believe it or not leaves a lasting impact on their lives. It makes them balanced individuals that can make decisions on their own. They become more mature and aware of their choices and decisions. And they learn that others respect them, which in turn teaches them how to respect you. It also teaches them not to snatch or take things from others.

Taking things from your child teaches them that they are not in charge of themselves and that they are inferior. They already know that you are the authoritative figure, and you don’t need to take something from them yourself to reinforce that. The messages you do end up sending though are very negative ones that will reflect on your child’s life, maybe even forever.

One of the messages they get is that they are not in charge of making physically personal decisions, like controlling what is in their hands. This is a terrible feeling to give to anyone, let alone your own child. You would be stripping them from their right of being who they are. That is so critical, I cannot stress enough on it. Taking something from a child makes them feel worthless. It makes them feel like they possess nothing, like they have no sense of entitlement and no self worth. It also removes the stability of them knowing when something is theirs and when it is not. The reason being is that they don’t know when you or anyone might take anything from their hands.

In the long run, this can translate very differently and a lot worse.

Teach them from a very young age that when you say the words “give it to me” that they hand the object over to you. Teach them this with love, patience, and mutual respect, and they are sure to pick up these positive qualities from you. And then have them know that if they do not hand the thing over, they will face consequences, such as: giving them no attention for about 15 minutes, or having them sit in Time-Out for several minutes as a result of not being obeying you.

When they get an appropriate amount of love from you throughout the day, then ignoring them for 15 minutes would deliver the message that you are not pleased with their disobedience and that would encourage them to give you the object without having to use force to take anything from them. It takes patience and effort, but they are worth it! Every child is.

I will discuss consequences in another article however just briefly, it is definitely better to have them faces consequences, such as having time-out, resulting in them handing you the item, rather than taking it from their hand yourself – unless they are carrying something dangerous of course, like a knife in their hand for example. And you take it from them to prevent them from hurting themselves then that’s fine, that’s an exception. I do hope though that it is an exception and not something frequent, because that would be very concerning!

I know that it’s much easier to grab things from your child instead of waiting till they listen and finally give you the object. However, this treatment will eventually lead to your child snatching things from others.. And it won’t stop there.

You will start to face self-esteem issues, jealousy, attitude, aggressive behavior, stubbornness, and more. They might start talking back, maybe even taking things from you without bothering to ask, and they may be rude. The only problem is, you can’t even blame them once all of these habits are formed because you initiated them. And the older they get, the harder it will be for you to change them.

All this problematic behavior will cause your child to face issues at school and in life in general. You may hear complaints from their teachers or other parents. And if your child is passive, they may be bullied as they are used to having things taken away from them. So would you want your child to get in trouble in any way for a habit that youinstilled in them? A habit that is not initially their fault?

The key is to prevent bad habits, not to try to break them after they’re formed.

Having your child give you something without you having to take it from them is a result of ‘obedience’ and discipline — which is something that should have been taught to your child from a very young age. If the obedience is not there, and you have already started with the snatching thing, then I assume your child has developed a bad habit of being stubborn when asked to give something and would not hand it over right away. This makes your job a little more difficult and it might take you longer to break that habit. However, nothing is impossible, and again, your child is worth your time and effort.

These kinds of negative behaviors and habits tend to stick with children for the rest of their lives. Some may be aware of themselves enough to realize these are bad habits and could make the choice to change them, but many more children will grow up facing lots of issues in life never knowing why.

Ask. Don’t Take!There is absolutely no positive outcome that could result from this behavior. And there is no way that the behavior would not be formed in the first place if they were being treated this way by the parents. So be very careful the next time you want something from your child. Ask them nicely for it, teaching them to speak up for what they want.

8 Benefits of Dogs

September 6, 2016/All Posts

Are you a dog or a cat person? If you’re a cat person you might change your mind after reading the following 8 benefits of owning a dog that you won’t get by owning a cat.. These benefits apply to everyone who owns a dog in general and some might say that they can handle not having them. But when it comes to your child’s physical and mental wellbeing these benefits are priceless.

1. Good Teachers

When you include your child in caring for the dog it teaches them several things. Among those are responsibility, selflessness, and discipline. They learn these traits in the following ways (these are just examples):

– Responsibility: by walking the dog, strict food timings, teaching tricks and respect

– Selflessness: caring for the nutrition and health of another being

– Discipline: having the responsibility to stick to a routine

Dogs teach children differently than we do. They teach them through the language of love and peace and through nature. I’m not saying that we teach children in any negative way.. But having several sources of learning definitely improves a child’s view of life. It allows them see in different perspectives and helps them understand the world and others around them better.

2. Man’s Best Friend

A dog’s companionship with a child is beneficial for many reasons. Being an loyal animal that lives its life eager to please its owner, it does not criticize or judge or have any of the qualities that may negatively affect a child. Therefore a dog can boost your child’s self-esteem and help your child develop a positive self-image. It helps them develop a more independent personality and makes it easier for them to build good relationships with people. It makes them feel trustworthy, needed, and responsible.

These feelings are positively and directly linked to maturity. ‘Attachment’ may have negative connotations to some people but it really isn’t a negative thing for a person to be attached. Having your child attached to a dog is what helps them become emotionally secure beings, which in turn as I mentioned helps them to better build relationships with others.

The presence of a dog gives your child a sense of security, and helps them adjust better to any changes that happen in their life. Even changes as simple as going to work and leaving your child at home, having a dog present eases the transition and keeps your child company and feeling safe.

3. Immunity

It can help children grow immunity to certain allergies that they might be prone to. It has been found in a study in 2004 “in The Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology” that children growing up with dogs have better immunity to certain allergies — such as “atopic dermatitis and wheezing”. Children who are born into a dog-owning household develop these immunities stronger; they can even develop the immunity throughout pregnancy if the mother was around dog or owned a dog during her pregnancy.

4. Stress

Dogs reduce stress levels in all family members. Studies prove that interacting with dogs reduces stress, especially when petted. When petting, hugging, or playing with a dog, your body and the dog’s body both release a hormone called Oxytocin, which can also be referred to as the cuddle-hormone. This is the same hormone released when a mother breastfeeds her child. This hormone reduces stress and strengthens the bond between you and the dog. Another hormone is reduced during this process, which is the stress hormone called Cortisol.

Thus dogs can help people of all ages, let alone children, reduce risks of or prevent stress related diseases. A stress-less child is a healthy child. When the stress is reduced your child is less likely to get sick. The stress in children is different than stress in adults but affects our body in the same ways. However a child’s stress is easier to be dealt with, so having a dog around would definitely ease any kind of stress your child may be gong through.. From attending a new school to dealing with divorced parents.

5. Exercise

They encourage the family to exercise..

Dogs help children release or exert their energy in a healthy and positive manner. It has been found in a study that dogs can calm over active or even aggressive children and help them relax. Playing around the house alone can do this, but it is necessary for dogs to get their daily walks, and this is another benefit to your child and to the whole family. By walking the dog every day it not only creates a routine, but also gets the family more active. It is encouraged of course to take your child on that walk with the adult walking it so your child can benefit too.

6. Health Detector

Dogs can sense if something is different in a person. They can even sense and smell changes in blood sugar levels and can sniff out tumors. A dog was even trained to do so at a hospital to find out if a tumor was benign or cancerous. They will let their owners know by behaving strangely or differently that something is wrong. They can even sense the slightest changes in one’s mood and will comfort the person more when in need and show affection.

7. Protection

Dogs in general are very alert and can tell a stranger from a friend. Dogs can sense a human’s energy, so whether the dog is big or not, it can help protect by its owner, the child in this case, outdoors by reacting to certain people differently or in the house by barking when someone approaches or enters the house, alerting the family that someone is there. The human’s intention will trigger the dog because it sends out a vibe that the dog can sense. So if someone is just approaching to pet the dog, it might not react in the same way as it would to someone with bad intentions.

Of course the bigger the dog the better the chances of protection are. If the dog is big but isn’t a protective breed, it can still intimidate others simply by its size and the uncertainty of whether the dog is trained to protect or not. If the dog is a protection breed, whether or not it is trained to protect or not, it intimidates others by appearance and makes them very wary of coming near the child.

8. Social

Dogs make children more social. Naturally when people see a person with a dog, they come close to pet it and to ask about it. If your child is with you when you walk the dog, this will encourage your kid to speak up and answer when strangers ask about the dog. It would also make your child more confident in dealing with strangers — not that they should get too friendly with any, but it would reduce social anxiety and shyness. Dogs are social magnets, and will get conversations started. They make it easier to befriend others through socializing at dog a parks or meeting people who are interested in dogs, as they are an obvious common factor. Helping your child start conversations wouldn’t be only during walks, but also at school, when they have nothing to say, they can talk about pets. Or when asked by the teacher if they have any pets at home. Even on pet day, they would have something to share with other students and would again boost their self-esteem by feeling responsible for and looked up to by this being that’s catching everyone’s attention.

Fun Fact: dogs were proven to help ease or lessen the symptoms of certain social anxiety disorders and other disorders like autism.

Teaching Toddlers Responsibility

Which of the three below do you think will benefit your child down the road?

  1. Going to the movies
  2. Watering the plants and helping you cook today’s meal
  3. Playing with Legos all day

If you chose number 2, you are correct. By helping you, your children learn about responsibility. And a couple of years down the road, you will thank yourself as they become responsible young individuals with competencies others their age may not have.

Responsibility is a learned skill or trait and people are not born with it. There are several traits that a person needs to have in order to be considered responsible, and these include: time management, perseverance, task commitment, decision-making, motivation, and communication. The best way to instill all these traits in your children and lead them to the path of responsibility is to assign them household chores and/or allow them to join in on the chores that you do.

When children are responsible, they are much more likely to succeed in the long run. Helping with chores around the house makes them feel more confident, needed, helpful, wanted, trusted, and fills them with many more positive character building feelings and emotions. Giving children the responsibility of household chores also allows them to develop faster, reaching a mature stage much earlier than children who were not given tasks or chores at a young age. According to research done by Marty Rossman, “the best predictor of young adults’ success in their mid-20’s was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four.”

Furthermore, research shows that giving children chores to do raises their self-esteem, makes them more responsible, allows them to deal better “with frustration[,] and delay gratification”. As kids join in on household chores, it not only generally increases their sense of responsibility but also makes them feel as “important contributors” to their families. This strengthens their tie and connection with the family and increases their self worth and value.

Upon visiting the United States last summer, I met a woman named Carol and had a chat with her about several things, among them was her four-year-old daughter. Carol lived on a ranch and owned horses as well as a couple of other domestic animals. Carol explained to me how she recently bought her daughter a pony. The discussion shifted from there to how having pets gives children the opportunity to practice and learn responsibility. Carol’s daughter has had pets of her own since the age of two, and she had taught her daughter that owning an animal is a big responsibility because it means taking care of it from A to Z.

Carol and I discussed how when children care for animals, they learn to be compassionate and put others’ needs before their own. For example, her daughter would not eat her own meals until she makes sure that her pets, including her recently bought pony, had all eaten their food.

Now not everybody lives on a ranch and certainly not everyone has a pony, you might even be allergic to them, but the point is that the little girl had a responsibility of her own and got it at a very young age.

Giving household chores are similar, and even better, because they teach bonding with the family as I have mentioned, contribution, and teamwork. Children learn to appreciate the hard work their parents put in for them every day.

Some parents may not want to put the effort in making their children follow through in their tasks or might not even think it is important that they do chores at all. However, not including children in every day chores has its costs. “Not being taught the skills of everyday living can limit children’s ability to function at age appropriate levels”. Teaching children to complete tasks and take care of themselves is vital for their development as individual beings. By involving them in household chores from a young age, parents “equip children with the skills to function independently in the outside world”.

Prioritizing a child’s academics or any of their activities over household chores, you might think that you are doing them a favor. The issue here is that whether you mean it or not, you are taking away one of their main “pillars of competency” on which they can rely by doing so. When your children help you and the family in the house, whether or not they do good in school or in any other area of their life, they know that they contribute to the household and to their family. This alone gives any child the moral support needed to get through issues. Thus, helping them develop and learn more skills they will need as adults.

There are a variety of tasks that can be assigned to children relative to their age. But do not underestimate your child’s ability. The figure below shows a few of the chores that can be assigned to certain age groups. I found both of the following diagrams useful, but you can follow whichever one suits you and your children more. They can also just be used as a guide as the types of chores may differ for each household.

Another important factor to giving children chores is your approach towards them; your approach matters. It is nothing new that children copy what they see: monkey see monkey do. So the way that you go about your everyday chores and the way you approach them plays a big role in your children’s acceptance of them. Your attitude and behavior towards the chores that need to be done will directly affect how your children perceive the chores and how they benefit out of them. This effect will last with them for a long time. So make sure that you approach chores and the assigning of chores in a very positive manner. Also, make sure to be aware of the way you act when doing chores yourself in front of your children.

“You can take some time to think about what tasks you need help with, what life skills your children need to learn, and what are each child’s interests and abilities.”

Some parents like to reward their children for things they have done. However, doing that can cause them to not do the tasks asked of them if there were no reward one day. Basically they can depend on it and would only follow through chores conditionally. It is important that children learn the importance of helping around the house simply because it is the right thing to do in essence. It is very important that they perceive chores as something that comes naturally with living in house in general. However, this only comes with time, patience, consistency, and perseverance from the parents’ side. So parents out there, please GYT (Give Your Time ;-] ) .

(In a coming article I will discuss the assigning of chores in more detail)


Sources:

  • http://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/responsibility-and-chores/part-i-benefits-of-chores/
  • https://tip.duke.edu/node/745
  • http://www.rewardcharts4kids.com/age-appropriate-chores/
  • http://www.sportsmomsurvivalguide.com/kids-age-appropriate-chores/